7 Mindsets That Keep You From Loving Yourself

7 Mindsets That Keep You From Loving Yourself

When your feel as if your identity is threatened, be sure to look out for these characters playing in your life. It’s so easy to put on these masks of characters because for the most part we are not consciously aware of how our thoughts come into play. To make this more interesting, I have personified each character. They will be presented in form of monologue.

If any of these sound familiar, stay tuned below for a way to overcome these mindsets with a free resource.

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#1) The Critic

If I insult you, I make sure it really hurts. I want to make you feel as if you’re incapable of moving forward in your life. I know the best things about you. It seems you forget this from time to time. I make you focus on all the negative attributes about yourself. I make you feel as if you’re not enough. I don’t even need to take you to court because you judge yourself guilty as charged! I come knocking at your door everyday, hoping you will let me in during your most vulnerable times. I patiently wait because you let me in just enough to get you down. You point out everything that is wrong with you, from your face to the way you walk and put on makeup. You feel stuck when you see your own reflection in a mirror. There is always something to point out that you hate about yourself. One zit. Big nose. Small nose. Tummy pouch. Small thighs. Oh my, I have so many insults to tell you that it would take too long to describe them all! I am your faithful critic. My negativity is endless. I’ve always wanted you to belong to me. I love it when you accomplish things in your life because you never look at the wins, you look at everything you did wrong along the way.  The ‘should haves’ take you out of purpose. I get you so focused on the past that you fail to live in the present. I am your critic, and I will always be here for you. Don’t ever let me go.

#2) The Comparer

“If I was to wear that, it wouldn’t look as great as it looks on her.”

“I just don’t understand why she got chosen to promote that brand?”

“They totally do it better than me.”

“Maybe one day I’ll be at that level.”

Replaying these lines in your mind will always lead to me. My name is Comparer. I’m here to make sure you get distracted by what others are doing. I help you forget that you have goals that only you can walk out in a specific way. You really should stay in your own lane, but you love to stop and look at everyone else’s lane on the race track. Racers never win this way. Racers practice, and work hard on themselves to prepare for the ultimate and unpredictable race called life. They know that one day there will be an opportunity to rise and shine. They don’t block other’s time to shine with negative words, insults, and gossip. Sad to tell you this, but your intentions are impure. You want want to see how everyone operates in the world and discredit yourself. You were always qualified for greatness, but you threw in the towel way too early. Don’t you know you must live life by faith and not by sight? You continue to inspect how others move in their own space. They are blessed, and you criticize it. You see their gifts and talents, but you say that you “can do it better” or that you “can never pull that off.” I make you think everyone else is succeeding except for yourself. You do not see the full picture. As your comparer, I elevate others and it forces you to be jealous and lower your self -perception. I enjoy helping  you forget to be thankful for the progress you’ve made in your life. I’ll give you some advice, only because I feel sorry for you: Be thankful for your current needs being met. If you continue to use me, you will ultimately become a spectator for the rest of your life. I’m okay with that, we can size up so many people that way. You will be exhausted by the never ending list of things I can say to make you feel jealous and low. Maybe one day you’ll be a participator and finish your race strong.

#3) The Perfectionist

I send anxious messages into the atmosphere all day and it’s nonstop. I wait until you catch one,  or two, or a few. You know what they are because it’s within in your genetic makeup. Those expectations you got from your family and society were not always healthy. For some reason you know it, but you ignore it. You live in pilot mode, not realizing how your striving for perfection makes you perform below your potential. You’re performing for an audience of one, because no one stays in your life long enough to see how it all plays out. I am the true fantasy and dreams do not come true through me. My name is perfection. I am so powerful that there was a research study on me and athletes. It was said that 50 percent of athletes would choose to die in five years if there was a drug to have the most perfect performance of their entire career. These athletes did not mind dying a few years later, just to have one perfect performance! Even though it is a hypothetical question, they embrace me. But let’s face it, I am the thing no one can attain. Being perfect does not gain you a higher following or a closer relationship to others. They want to see your authentic self, but you still choose me. You make them believe you’re superman, but I know your kryptonite. I kill your creativity. Creativity never comes from a safe place. It takes a risk of exploring new things and making mistakes.  Taking on perfection will make you feel empty and unfulfilled. A piece of advice: Do it afraid, not accurately.

#4 The Unsatisfied

I keep you wanting more. Many of times you wonder when everything will all pay off… You cannot get enough of anything. You fail to see the joy you can receive from the smallest of things. Maybe you are unsatisfied with your current job, relationships, and life routine.  The list can go on for miles. I make you see your life experiences in the worst of ways. You want an end result to something not knowing how much work it will take to stay in a state of being content. You might as well continue to take everything for granted!

#5) The Doubter

Like a storm in the sea, doubt can shake you into the deepest confusion. You can never have what you say, because you go back on what you said in the first place. Truly you find yourself in a tug a war with me. I am your Doubter. I make you feel less confident in your abilities. It’s as if you cannot rely on yourself. You think you need to wait for favorable circumstances to pursue purpose and get things done. I am such a liar, but you love to be cheated on. You listen to me. You read my lips. You begin to doubt your intuition when you are with me. This wavering keeps you caged inside your insecurities. What a fearful thing it is to not be able to trust yourself and your abilities.

#6) The Unforgiven 

I’m the invisible poison you drink every time you fail to surrender your rights of being angry towards someone. I make sure you never forget how others offended you. My name is Unforgiven, and it’s always nice to meet you again. My number one goal is for you to forget compassion. To have no compassion when you or others mess up. If you are waiting for someone to pay the price for their wrongdoing(s), you may never receive the crown of freedom and healing. There never is a genuine apology. You wait for days, months, and years, hoping to get the justice you’ve been seeking. Sadly, you will never find it. It may never happen. You must trust this: you reap what you sow. Nothing is new under the sun. Consequences may not be played out right away, and you have no control over what others choose to do with their life. Let it go so healing and love can be placed inside of you once more.

#7) The Inferior 

It’s me, Inferior. I make sure to make you shrink so no one sees you. The funny thing is, I’m usually not that confronting. I like to keep a low key. Don’t worry you won’t notice I’m here. It appears that underneath it all you’re afraid of what rejection can do to you. You use me as a defense mechanism to stay ‘socially safe.’ There is still a fear that you carry. It makes you want to hide. Just know that every time you choose me, you are not choosing love, but fear. You think it is better to bring yourself low instead of someone else doing it. You come up with the wrong conclusions most of the time. You forget how much larger than life you can be when you leave me alone.

Do you find yourself in any of these roles? If you want a change, download my free self love workbook! Let me know what you think about these monologues below.

Xoxo, LALA

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